Ever since I could remember, I loved to talk. LOL And if you
were a FaceBook or Twitter or Myspace friend of mine before you already know
via my status, I like to express myself no matter how ratchet, crazy, random or
clueless it was. But recently, I’ve begun to notice that a lot of my ranting
and raving was being noticed by a lot of people. Not to mention after recently
finding my way back to the Lord, there have been more people contacting me to
learn more about my story, get a better understanding of God through my own
experiences, and just actually paying attention to lil ole me and my positive
thoughts. Ever since I was younger, I have always been in the center of each
social group, I was everyone’s friend. So if one group didn’t get where I was
coming from, the next did and vice versa. But it wasn’t until a good week or so
ago, I realized I wasn’t saying anything at all. Weird right? Well, as much as
I would post little messages, thoughts, scriptures…..I was only giving people a
taste of the surplus of knowledge and wisdom that God bestowed upon me to share
with my friends and family whom might have needed it. I always talked about the
latest shoes that came out, hottest single playing on the radio, what’s going
on with the housewives of Atlanta…blah blah blah…and I would go into detail
about it too. But I never went into detail about my Lord! L I
basically went against his wishes. My selfishness of keeping the word to
myself. My doubt in myself and thinking that I wouldn’t write anything ‘useful’
to others. Plus the fact of even thinking that I would be judged by friends and
family in a negative way…these are all the things that the devil put into my
head to hold me back from helping someone who might have really needed to hear
what I had to say about my Lord. I want to start this blog off by say SORRY to
everyone who has been waiting for this, as well as to my father in heaven. You
gave me this gift….here goes nothing.
First off let me explain something. I am by no means trying to
“force convert” ANYONE! I only present what my father has given to me to share.
Therefore it is your choice to read, respond and teach to others. I am not the
type to use the “SIT DOWN AND LISTEN AND DON’T ASK QUESTIONS” method that a lot
of “so called Christians” use to teach of my father’s word. So by all means if
you have any questions please don’t hesitate to reply or comment, but let’s
keep the negativity out of this place. Thanks!
Just like I mentioned earlier, I was very hesitant to write this
blog. I turned to a lot of people who pushed me to do this, but after turning
toward God and asking for a sign, the proof came to me one night while I was
doing my daily bible study. I read this scripture about two weeks ago and this
is what really motivated me to spread the word of my father amongst
friends and family that I saw suffering.
“..All this is from God who reconciled us to himself through
Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation that God was reconciling the
world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sin against them. And he has
committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are the ambassadors as though
God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ behalf. Be
reconciled to God, God made him who had no sin to be sin for us so that in him
we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:18-21)
Now I know that is a lot to take in all at once, so I’ll break
down some points for you. First off…let’s just flat out address the elephant in
the room. EVERYONE SINS! Easy to admit right? Everyone does it on the daily,
regardless if it’s recognizable or not…..SIN OCCURS EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY! No
one WANTS to admit it, but then on the other hand everyone wants to wash
themselves of it in the end. Quick, fast and in a hurry you whisper a small
prayer and think that it’s gone…all is forgiven and forgotten right? Sorry,
there is no ‘easy button’ when it comes to living the ‘good life’ that God
intended for you. See the situation here isn’t that you sinned, it’s that you
sinned and refuse to come before the Lord and repent…learn from your sin…and
stop doing it! I know this may sound crazy, but did you know that since God
created you and me….he basically KNOWS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO BEFORE WE DO IT!
0_o yea, that’s how powerful he is. But with him knowing this…he refuses to
force you to do something that you don’t want to do or don’t hold to a high
importance. He sees everything, he knows where your heart is, and he wants it.
He wants us to learn from our mistakes, but then come back to him for
forgiveness and help. That is why he gave up his only son for our
sin. Confused? Let’s backtrack for a second. The section of the scripture
that says ‘…God made him who had no sin, to be sin for us so that in him we
might become the righteousness of God’ explains it all. He already knew that we
would falter and slip up, we are human. But by giving up his son….allowing him
to suffer, be ridiculed, persecuted and punished to the utmost degree….as if he
were a criminal….to take away and absorb our sin. He took the bullet for us,
BEFORE WE EVEN EXISTED! He didn’t even know us, but loved us so much that he
wanted to make sure when we were created and messed up, we would be forgiven
for anything we did. Just as long as we repented and asked our father for
forgiveness and changed our lives to serve him. ISNT THAT AMAZING! Would
you do that for a stranger? Jesus is so amazing! Now this whole deal doesn’t
just apply to us who may have a strained relationship with God, or someone who
might not have gone to church in a while or prayed in a minute. This especially
goes for people who are against him COMPLETELY!
You know
how a while ago people were walking around with the ‘I LOVE MY HATERS” shirts.
And everyone’s status or tweet or tagline was “Hi Haters” or “Shoutout to my
haters, I see ya”. I promise you if God or Jesus were walking this earth, they
would have had a T-shirt made hat read the same. GOD LOOOOOOVVVEEESSS HIS
ENEMEIES! Literally! The ones that don’t believe in him, throw dirt on his
name, put his word through worldly test to prove he isn’t real….HE LOVES THEM
SO MUCH! Why you may ask? Think about it. If you were President Obama, and you
captured Osama Bin laden. The man that was responsible for millions of deaths
in the states and overseas, millions of families who lost loved ones at
war or in 9/11. A man responsible for so much destruction, is in your grasp and
under your control, NOW WHAT? Well of course a lot of people would want to
punish him the same way he punished others, but not God. See he sees potential
in all of us….evil or not. God wants to change all of our hearts and spare none
to his glory. See what God does is this…..he takes the nonbeliever, shows him
how powerful he is. Regardless if it’s a near death experience, putting someone
in that person’s life to get through to them, have them see, hear or watch
something that makes everything click...then he starts his work. He will change
that willing person’s whole being to the point where they have now recognized
the power of Christ and want to spread the message they were given (Just like
me J ). Just image Osama Bin Laden walking around praising the
USA, showing his buddies how great this country is or how he wants to become
alliances with the USA or how he wants to personally apologize for his crimes.
Crazy right?! But that’s what happens when you are washed in the Holy Ghost,
you change and see things for what they really are. Then you want to share it
with others. These types of people know both sides of the fence when it comes
to good and evil, and with this kind of knowledge of the enemy, they can see
the devils’ weaknesses and how he controls others. They have a key to help turn
others toward the Lord for help without even fearing the devil….because at one
point he was their best friend! Think about it for a minute…I guarantee it will
click.
 |
Marissa and Brodie on their way to their 7th and 3rd birthday party:)
(2012) |
Now just
like I said in the beginning, I am not here to convert anyone. I am just a
messenger here to give you the good news. You have the choice to take it or
not. But let me go a little more into detail about how taking this news can
cause such major ripples in your life for the better, that it will BLOW YOUR
MIND! One of my favorite movies to this day is Constantine with Keanu Reeves in
it. The whole basis of the movie is that before the beginning of time the devil
and God had a wager to see who can basically influence us humans the most into
basically joining good or evils side. No physical persuasion, just little
pushes mentally and emotionally here and there. This is what free will is…you
have the choice. And every time I watch that movie I use to cry, and I never
understood why. There were people in the movie who were all about God and
praised him and worshipped him, but would do evil things. There were people in
the movie who were pure evil, and there were people in the movie who were
neutral but did good deeds here and there…but never cared. My problem back then
was that I would cry because that was me…ole neutral Erin. I went to church to
say “oh yea I go to church”, I had a Bible but never opened it. It sat on my
coffee table…for years. I did nice things for people here and there. I was a
great mom, good daughter and friend. Worked, went to school full time and
opened two businesses. But I had a problem with trusting in God. I didn’t know
him so how could I trust him. If something didn’t go my way, I’d always say
“See this is why we don’t talk. Why can’t you just be fair to me?”. I use to
blame him for EVERYTHING! From why I was late to work, why my kids wouldn’t
listen to me, why I was single, why I wasn’t rich yet. I literally KNEW that he
had his own personal vendetta against me. A ANTI-ERIN CAMPAIGN! Lol But it took
multiple situations over the years for me to realize how much he loved me and
cared for me and wanted me to come to him to be saved. #1. I had my daughter
when I was only about a week into my 6month. I was on bed rest for a month
prior, and when she was born she weighed almost less than two pounds, her lungs
weren’t fully developed, and she wouldn’t eat. I was an emotional wreck. This
was her father’s and my first child, and here we were about to lose her only
hours after she came into the world. I remember that night I sat there looking
at her in her incubator, smaller than my hand, with all these tubes hooked up
to her….I never cried so much. But I prayed to God, if he just allowed me a
chance to at least raise her up the right way….a respectable woman…especially
in the church…. I would give my life to him. We walked out the hospital with my
princess almost 2 weeks later and about 2 months later she was baptized in the
church and I was a member of New Psalmist Baptist Church. The church I had been
born into but only went because I was forced to by my mom. Now me and Marissa
(my daughter) had a purpose. Unfortunately, I did backslide years later. And
stopped going. But my daughter never missed a Sunday, it didn’t matter if mommy
was hungover or just didn’t feel like it. I made sure her lil but was sitting
in that pew with my mother….pigtails and lil mini bible in hand. Now she is 7,
on the usher board and loving every day that God grants her. I eventually got
back into church after I had my son (who was born on time and healthy). But I
swore to myself, my kids would grow up in the church too, but I had to set the example.
#2 I lost my grandfather in 2010. He was the type of man that…..smh….I can’t
even describe him. He was that amazing. He was that old school type man that
worked 4 jobs to provide for his family, a minister, and true gentleman. He was
my father, since I never met mine, and literally the only thing holding my
family together. When he passed, I remember the Friday before Thanksgiving he
went for a regular doctor visit and never came back home. He was admitted hours
after he went to his doctor visit with pneumonia which aggravated cancerous
cells in his body that were in remission from 1995, and within a month he was
gone. But before he went to his doctor visit, he gave me his car and told me to
take care of it like it was my child (he loved his town car lol). I remember
that over Thanksgiving break he was to meet my then boyfriend (whom was a MAJOR
part in me finsing the Lord; but that’s another blog entry) for the first time
to give me the A-OK for him and mine relationship. But sadly, he never got to
meet him, I remember the last day with him. I got a call at work that he wasn’t
going to make it through the night. I refused to go see him in the hospital
after getting these horrific stories from other family members of him breaking
down and crying, memory loss, having to be restrained, and his frequent sickness
due to the kemo he was receiving. In my eyes, even though he was 82….my
grandfather was THOR! He was my Incredibale Hulk…nothing could hurt him. He didn’t
cry because he was a manly man…and manly men don’t cry! But when I got to his
room….all I saw was this meek, skinny, resemblance of a man laying there in a
coma, not moving, and breathing with the help of a machine. I couldn’t move
when I saw him. I just broke down crying by his bedside and cursed God for
this. I blamed God for everything. And even before I left my Dad in the
hospital, with everyone now filling up the room to give their last respects….God
talked to me directy through him that day..and I didn’t even notice because of
my anger. I bent down to give my Pop Pop a last kiss….and his body jerked and
he turned his head to me and kissed me on my forhead like he use to do when I
was a little gurl. Everyone in the room gasped because they knew that wasn’t nothing
but God letting him say his own goodbye. I chalked it up as a freak involuntary
movement and left. A couple of months later my ex-boyfriend totaled my grandfather’s
car in a freak accident, the same day we gave away the last of his clothing to
the homeless, leaving the wrecked car as the very last possession that
represented him. I remember going in my room and screaming at the top of my
lungs “YOUR TAKING EVERYTHING FROM ME! WHY NOT JUST TAKE ME! YOU’RE A SELFISH
GOD!” , and at that time I meant every word. It took me a good year of complete
debauchery of myself to realize God’s love for me. Nonstop partying, random
boyfriends, smoking, not caring about my responsibilities and just disregarding
God all together..just not caring anymore about life….smh….I look back now like
‘WOW ERIN…LOOK WHAT HE BROUGHT YOU FROM’. I remember my little girl coming home
from church and telling me what she learned in Sunday school and me brushing
her off because I was to hungover and saying ‘if God existed, Pop Pop would
still be here’. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking how blind I was. I say
that to say this. He can change the most weakest of hearts, he can revive you
and take you out your current depressed state and make you into a new person.
What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger right? ALLOW HIM TO MAKE YOU THE
STRONGEST! Believe me, he works miracles. Look at me now! I was on a path were
I definitely wouldn’t have made it to see 2012. But he stepped in and saved his
child, me. Now it’s time for you to repay him.
How do
you do that? It’s easy, go to him. Run to him, lean on him, let him know you
need him; ask him what he wants you to do. I know it sounds crazy, but believe
me when you come to the Lord and flat out ask him what he wants from you….he
will answer. I talk to him every day as if I am on the phone with a homegirl.
Get on your face and pray to him. Don’t sit there and keep praying for a
husband or a wife, or for those new Jordan’s or to be rich. Look at what he has
done thus far and give thanks! I mean you are alive and reading this blog right?
Be thankful he is pumping air through your lungs right now. Spend time with him
daily. I literally have date nights with him where I let my kids stay at their
grandmothers and I sit and talk with him for hours, I even have journal
set aside just for him where I write down my day and things I loved about it
and didn’t like. I watch movies with him and read to him. We have a pretty cool
relationship, and you can to. Next, you have to trust in him. Without trust all
relationships fail. Trust that he has your best interest in mind, trust he will
keep you safe, trust that he is with you. Because believe me, you would know if
he didn’t. Next up, NOW YOU CHANGE! You’ve praised him for what he has done and
what he will do for you, now it’s your turn to show him you’re serious.
Re-evaluate your life, friends, relationships, goals; priorities…are they all
in order to glorify him? Or yourself? Or someone else? If you are dead set on
going to church on Sunday, why would you go out and binge drink the night
before? Next, study his word. A lot of the time the answers we need in life…are
in the Bible. You just have to look for it. I recommend getting a Bible study
guide or a Life Application Bible, I swear by mines! And finally, STICK WITH
IT! They say it’s’ psychologically proven’ that it takes 30 days to break or
start a habit. That’s a lie, if you want to stop doing something that is
harming your life…..STOP DOING IT FOOL! Lol It’s simple as that. You want to
start living the good life that he has planned for you…then you have to stop living
the life that YOU planned for yourself. Trust and believe…life gets easier once
you give it to Christ to take care of. I hope you enjoyed this “introduction”
to my new blog. I will try to post regularly but stay tuned for more great
positive post to come! God Bless!
